remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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