You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
