Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
