i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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