Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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