Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
