Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
