Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
