I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
