The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
my being single is dangerous.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
