My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
