My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
