I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
