Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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