so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Randomize
