Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
