dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
