does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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