He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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