were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
