I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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