im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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