i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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