sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
