Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
