Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
