So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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