I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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