she woke up with a sticky ear
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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