i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
