i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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