i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
