Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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