The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
