i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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