wanna go halves on a baby?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
