just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Bring me that man meat
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
