It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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