I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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