im drinking this country out of the recession.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
