the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
