Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
