I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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