She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
