life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
