he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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