Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
