this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
