she woke up with a sticky ear
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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