Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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