You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
