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i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
