How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
