this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
