you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
