If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
