she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
