ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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